Instinct, Reflection: Equality, Reverence
by Erma W
Summary: A brief peek inside the minds of Leia and Han at key moments in their developing relationship. Leia may rely on instinct while Han relies on reflection, but they both come to realize just how much they each love the other.


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 **Instinct: The Equal**

 **Death Star Detention Block**

The boy was here to rescue her. The moment she heard his introduction, she knew: _This boy will bring me to the leader of the rescue party. The Alliance will have chosen the right person: devoted, quick-thinking, and brave._ As she ran out of her prison cage, she knew: _Something's wrong. We're supposed to go to the rescue party, not the other way around._ As she took in the tall, handsome man following the Wookiee, she instinctively knew: _This man is the leader. I should treat him as my equal._

He rudely suggested she return to her cell.

 _This man? An equal? Maybe I made a mistake._

 **Cloud City, Bespin**

The freezing chamber echoed with the shrieks of hydraulics. The moment his lips were torn from hers, she knew: _I should have let him in long ago. I love him too much. He needs to know. He deserves to hear it._ As she stood frozen in fear, his startling reply sinking in, she knew: _He won't let me hear it. He thinks it will hurt me too much to lose someone else I love._ As he was lowered out of sight, trying to appear brave while her heart began to shatter, she knew: _Oh, my captain. Even now, you're trying to protect me._

The vapors engulfed him.

 _This hurts too much! This man has no equal._

 **Forest Moon of Endor**

The cheers swelled from the forest floor. The moment she heard the tone in his voice, she knew: _Even now, after everything, he still doesn't understand how much I love him._ As she responded to his surprising offer to step aside, she knew: _It has actually happened. He loves so much, he's willing to give up his happiness for someone else's._ As she took in his shock, joy, and naked love for her, she knew, more deeply than any instinct alone could suggest: _My devoted, quick-thinking, and brave captain, my nerfherder and scoundrel..._

He kissed her.

 _...you are my match, my equal, my love._

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 **Reflection: The Revered**

 **Millennium Falcon**

The trip to Yavin IV was somber. As he sat back in his captain's chair to relax in a quiet moment, he couldn't help thinking about her: _She's a princess. She's rich. Of course she's loud and bossy. Of course she's smart... and pretty..._ As the boy in the adjacent seat absent- mindedly tapped his fingers on the console, more thoughts came to him: C _an't believe she led us into a trash compactor. Bet she never experienced something that bad before. Not sure I've ever experienced something that bad before! Though she was a prisoner on that thing. That might have been pretty bad... Actually, probably really bad... Oh sith. Was that what she meant when she said "it could be worse?"_ His reflections settled into clarity: _This girl—no, this woman—is a survivor. Even more than me._

The boy rose from his seat to go check on the girl.

 _The kid's got it wrong. I'm not thinking about her._

 **Cloud City, Bespin**

The freezing chamber rang with the clank of heavy boots on metal. As his fates swirled around him, he couldn't help thinking about her: _This wasn't how I thought I'd go, but this cannot be happening for her. She doesn't deserve to lose anyone else she... loves. Oh, Sweetheart, you didn't have to tell me that, I know. And you know I love you, too._ Lurching without warning, the platform's descent threatened to interrupt the thoughts of her swirling in his mind: _Can't let her be scared for me. She has to know it will be all right. Eventually. Princess, you'll get through this, whether I do or not._ Running out of time, his mind focused on one thought: _Please, sweetheart, you have to survive this too._

The platform stopped.

 _This hurts too much. I don't want to stop thinking about her!_

 **Forest Moon of Endor**

The celebrations carried on into the night. As he sat back to relax and watch the festivities, he couldn't help thinking about her: _She loves me. Yeah, she loves him too, but not like that. She loves me. Me! Like that!_ As she led her brother back to the light, more thoughts came to him. _Her brother! And just found out last night. Can't believe she had to take in so much, right before the big day. And still she made it through today, and even took the enemy down before it was done. Finally, her hard work and sacrifice is paying off. And sith, she's right; so many worlds will be better off for it._ His reflections gave way to a clarity deeper than thoughts alone could reveal: _My princess, my survivor, my sweetheart. I love you more than you'll ever know._

He felt her hand on his shoulder, and caught his friend's grin from the corner of his eye.

 _Yeah, alright, kid, I was thinking about her. Still am... Always will._

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 _ **NOTES:**_

Well there it is. My first fanfic in over 20 years! Sure was fun to write. Hope you enjoyed reading!

Huge, huge, huge thank you to **Erin Darroch** for beta reading this! Erin's insightful comments and suggestions were so very helpful in tightening up the entire piece, and so very appreciated for the wonderful combo of supportive cheering and spot-on problem catching. Thank you, Erin! :)

The background notes:

As a princess and politician, Leia was likely frequently around others, constantly needing to respond to shifting demands and considerations. In such dynamic situations, she perhaps needed to rely on her quick, instinctive insights. And if her strong personality and quick intelligence didn't make it hard to find an equal she could trust and love, her upbringing and position likely did.

Meanwhile, as a smuggler, Han likely led a more solitary existence, keenly aware of the fragility of life and material support. Confined to his ship for long periods of time during runs, he perhaps had many opportunities to hone an ability to sit with his own thoughts and reflect on the situations he had experienced. And if his need to appear callous and self-interested didn't make it hard to find someone he could trust and respect enough to allow himself to feel vulnerable-and love-then his life's experiences and status likely did.

Instinct and reflection: equality and reverence.

*** EDIT May 17, 2017. Well. In learning how to post to this site while also doing last minute story tweaking, I didn't realize I omitted a sentence! Ha! Just added it back where it belongs: Death Star Detention Block, "The boy was here to rescue her."


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